Monday, September 14, 2009

Book or Beer?

Today, I stopped by Ye Ole A Booke Shoppe, "Borders" to pick up a read and do a little exploritorization. As I am the kind of person for whom WORDS are the most intriguing and compelling media of human expression, I was naturally excited about this.

Until I walked in the door and remembered how willingly entering a Borders is like a root canal of the soul. Only, this time it was JOY! Well, at least it was HILARITY!

See, Borders, the "book store" doesn't sell books any more!

Well, ok, not really... if you try hard, you can still find a few "popular books" among the varied consumer chochkies intended to allow Borders customers to INDENTIFY themselves as "readers" without going through the time-consuming trouble of actually reading. This way, everyone can enjoy the social benefits of being seen as a "reader" or an "intelligent person" without opening up all those boring book things.

So yes, like all other corporate stores right now, Borders is doing its best to stick American workers and consumers with the bill for their bad business decisions by getting rid of their stock. You know, like stores did before the great depression? Yeah, just like that.

What section was the first to go at Borders? "Literature."

The whole section is gone, including the book I wanted to buy. Sad.

Some of the books have been integrated into the "popular fiction" section. The "history" section is now almost entirely "popular biography" books about Obama's secret Muslim/Atheist/fascist/communist/anti-socialist/socialist past.

Interestingly, in a time of woe, the RELIGION section has been given a front wall, greatly expanded and cleaned of all those weird sounding "religions." It's a good honest and wholesome 700 club approved religion section now. (Although I did see the "green bible" with Nelson Mandela's name on the cover--WTF?! Doesn't Borders know that guy was a terrorist according to Reagan? Jesus would NOT approve.)

Now, economics and social horror aside, no more "literature" at Borders? Seriously?

So at a time like this, we're going to cut our culture off from the history of western thought and experience, because the publishing world has no interest in promoting literature?

Notice that I didn't say "because it's not profitable." Because that would have been a lie. Have you tried reading some of that "popular literature" crap at Borders? Well, no, unless you're a writer OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T!!! Well, I have, and it's crap. I promise you, the only reason anyone reads it is because publishers market the CRAP out of it and Oprah sells it like cheap hooker ass. Apparently, Twilight is worthy of such marketing efforts while the tradition of world literature isn't.

I need to drink.


And that's why I'll be starting a series of book reviews: Book or Beer?

I'll be lining up the best sellers of our modern publishing and putting them in head to head competition with a selection of beer at a similar price point. Which will win out? The book or the beer?

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